To continue....

The afternoon's "procedure" was changed accordingly. It became a bad idea to simply remove the lump so what Dr Wilson did was to take more biopsies, one from the lymph node to confirm the previous result and another one from my tongue; she also removed my right tonsil to see if that was affected (because it was a possible source of the cancer).

My first general anesthetic since I had some teeth out at about twelve! But it was OK; really painful throat for about two weeks as a result of the tonsil being taken out though, don't know how kids cope!

Friday the same week I was back in for a CT scan of my chest, hot flush when they injected the dye was a bit weird but no problem really.

Then I had a whole week off from appointments for the first time since it kicked off; thought it'd be great but in fact it was awful, didn't really know what to do with myself. Sometimes felt like I was watching somebody else go through it and other times thought that they were going to ring me at any moment and tell me it was all a mistake. Long week.

Got another phone call (don't remember which day) from the consultant's secretary asking me to come in for another general anesthetic procedure on the 22nd, she couldn't give me any more detail. Already had an MRI scan on my neck booked for 8.00am that day, which I was dreading because I thought the tunnel would be horribly claustrophobic, but it was no problem at all in the event. Nearly fell asleep a couple of times. Then a long wait before meeting Deb and Jess again on the day surgery unit at 11.30 (still not knowing what the plan for the day was).

Turned out that the tonsil and tongue biopsies had been clear so it was now best to remove the whole node, so that's what they did. Much easier surgery than the previous one and much less pain after, was home by about 7.00pm.

So now to the latest and current state of things. November 5th, three days ago I had what turned out to be my final appointment with Mrs Wilson. Still no precise diagnosis of where the thing started, but they know enough to put it under the heading of a head & neck cancer. They're going to do something called a PET-CT scan to try to locate the exact source.

It may be that they still won't be able to find it, it may even be that my bodies immune system has killed the original cancer by itself, but the treatment they're going to give me would be the same in any case....to kill any microscopic traces that they can't track down (if they can't find anything) and to try to ensure that it doesn't come back.

So now I was transferred from the ENT department to the Head & Neck department and went for a long talk (Deb with me all the time as she has been every step) with a specialist nurse. The next thing after the scan is a neck dissection (there are some bits on here people will need to look up for themselves, I'd be typing for ever if I detailed every process) which is a bit more complex than the bits of surgery I've had so far so will be five days in hospital.

Then the fun bit starts; between four and seven weeks of radiotherapy. Hopefully it'll be closer to four weeks than seven because the side effects sound really a bit nasty (she asked if we have a blender because solid food will be a problem). There's also the possibility of chemotherapy at the same time, depending on the results of the scan/surgery. Since then have read stuff on the 'net where people need to have a feeding tube fitted during this type of treatment because even sipping water is too painful. Lovely.

Looking on the bright side oncology patients get free parking at the hospital! Though how long I'll be able to drive is another question.

So that's where I am today, waiting for appointments (we do a lot of that). I'm not even sure I'm going to send this link to anyone yet; I just felt the need to write it all down while it's still fresh and a blog seemed a sensible place if/when I think I want people to see it. I have a fair few online "friends" (and one or two real ones) that I think I'd like to know about if they were unwell (that sentence is dreadful English) but at the same time I don't really want to burden people; I need to give it some thought.

I forgot the Marmite jar! The day after I was originally told it was cancer (8th Oct) Deb and I were shopping in Tesco and I needed Marmite. Huge big arse jars were far and away the best value (£3.00 for 500g as against £2.69 for 250g and £1.75 for 125g, price is still the same, I just checked. I'm not so sad that I remembered it!). Now I'm the only one in the family that uses the stuff and then only on a piece of toast every couple of days so the thought crossed my mind, "Is it worth buying such a big jar when I may not live to finish it?"

So that's where the title's from, will I outlive the Marmite? Makes me smile every time I open it though I'm not really even considering the possibility of this killing me because it's not an option; I've not mentioned it to any medical staff and have not and will not be googling "survival rates for xxx" any time soon.

Too much left to do!

Finally I'd just like to say how grateful I am to Deb for dropping the scooter, no idea how long it'd have been before I went to the GP without the wrist problem....lucky break.