Post treatment first attempt

Nearly a month since my last contribution here and I suspect this'll be a short one; but the bare facts are nine days post treatment now (the last four I was an in patient due to the weight thing) and it's a chilly early Sunday morning while I sat here being fed by my trusty pump.
I go into the technicalities of this with people all the time.....mental side of it not so much, so that's what I want to cover here briefly.

Almost never do I now think, "....this is nearly done..." because I'm convinced in my own mind that it's not. How does that fit in with people saying to fight it and be positive? It's really difficult and just to survive it (mentally) is tough enough.....if I'm lying in bed feeling total shit I feel like I should be bouncing around or I'm somehow "giving in to it".

(That is really badly written but I can't be arsed to edit it, and you all know how anal I am on that usually)

Edit sometime later: A fellow patient has finally helped me make sense of the "fight it" comment that I really hate because I really don't think it's possible to fight cancer. What she said was, "...you don't fight against your cancer because you can't, that's what your medical team do; what you do is fight for your mental health." Thanks Dani x

I also bargain.....like, "would you take five healthy years?" I'd take five healthy hours sometimes!

But I think I would in all honesty; it'd put Josh to twenty-four (near as), girls all in their thirties and it'd give Deb and I the years to do a few of the things we want.....might even be freeing as we'd not have to worry about the financial issues of living another forty years.

Not very inspiring this one sadly, apparently I'll hit a lift "ten days/two weeks" post RT, and later today it'll be nine days so hopefully more cheer and a bit of much needed optimism will come through soon.